Last week I wrote about not walking into adoption lightly. It was a very emotional weekend as it felt like our process was moving backwards instead of forward.
I won't pretend there aren't some real emotions involved in the process of adopting. It's quite the roller coaster and there is definitely some uncertainty involved. It lends us the great opportunity to trust God in new ways; in deeper ways. And it's interesting to me how we feel like we should be in control of a situation that God ordained in the first place.
But one email struck fear in my heart. Then another email set me into major overwhelmed mode. And I just grew paralyzed. I didn't know what to do or how to pray. I kind of just froze. And cried. A lot.
For months I had prayed in a very broad sense as far as our process goes, because I do want God's timing, not my own. But, I also hadn't considered the schemes of the enemy, or of man, for that matter. I didn't stop to pray against these issues.
So, I grabbed a pen and my journal, and I began to pray specific prayers for signatures and correct documentation and people to do right by the law rather then coax people into bribing them with more money to do their job "quicker".
One of the emails we received stated our home study would need to be updated. It expires after 12 months, and well, it's coming up close to that already since we first had it done. This is an overwhelming process, including getting physicals and medical forms filled out for all the children and my husband and I. Then we also need to get new police clearance, a new background check, and give copies of new tax statements.
When I called the children's pediatrician office, I was surprised to find they were booked for the next month. We needed to have our home study updated before that. Was there anything they could do?!
The guy on the phone says that he will comb the schedule and see what he can find. He puts me on hold. I pray. He comes back and says that he is going to try to grab our kids' doctor before she goes in to see her next patient in order to work something out.
He comes back and says she will see all five kids on the same day. One of her vacation days. She is coming in JUST to see MY kids. Seriously, it was a miracle!!! Even the guy on the phone said it couldn't have worked out better! He needed to get supervisor approval and nurse practitioner approval and everything.
The next evening, we received some other great news of movement in our case! It was the first news of movement we'd heard in 3 months! I went to bed that night smiling.
Then, Sunday morning church. During our time of worship, we sang "Desert Song", and never before had that song struck me like it did that morning. The tears just fell. It was absolutely my prayer at that moment, in this season.
Our associate pastor gets up to preach, and he's talking about prayer. Prayer. The one thing I've been wondering about these last few weeks, but especially that weekend when at first everything seemed it was falling apart. He opens his message talking about how Abraham prayed to God, specifically, for Sodom and Gomorrah. Very specifically. In numbers. Considered some bold praying, that was there.
"God, what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty? Will you destroy the whole city because of five people? What if 40 righteous people are found? What if 30? 20? 10?" Genesis 18:24-32
God wants to stretch our faith as we step out and ask Him for the desires He planted inside of us, even if we cannot see what He sees. This is a place of revealing, and at times He will answer how we pray, and other times He will show us a better way. But how will we know unless we pray? Unless we ask Him, "Lord, what if..."?
God has revealed Himself to me in a way I desperately needed, simply because I took the time to ask Him, specifically. Not only did He answer my prayers, He also spoke to me on how to pray, and that praying specifically was not only allowed, it was wanted. He proves it over and over throughout scripture.
What do you need to ask God for, specifically? He wants you to ask, friend. He's waiting.
For further reading: James 5:13-20; Matthew 7:7-12; Psalm 34:4; Psalm 37:4; Mark 11:20-26
For another powerful testimony, check out my story of praying for my first child here.