I've been thinking lately and I realize something. While keeping house is important, I put way more focus and energy into it than I should. Don't take that wrong. It is very important we keep our homes running smoothly. But I have put more focus on doing that than I have nurturing my children. All my "good" energy has been focused on the wrong thing; on things that are seen.
Just as a profession outside the home has priorities of work/tasks, so it is inside the home as a mother and homemaker. Mother comes first [after child of God and wife]. Mother comes before cleaning. The duties of cleaning never end. I mean never. You work hard and long at scrubbing and wiping and folding and dusting. The next day it comes back again. Cleaning can be very discouraging work, indeed.
But children? Our efforts to keep their hearts and wipe their tears, and dust their knees....it builds upon itself. It builds relationship. To hold our anger and push aside (not bury) our negative emotions for the sake of training our children; to lead by example, that is what is lasting. That is where I want to put the majority of my energy. Not in perfecting the appearance of my house, but in building the love of Christ in my children.
Automatically I default to wanting to do those things which others [including myself] can tangibly see---right now.
There are days when my 2-year old follows me around, raising her hands for me to pick her up. She just wants to snuggle and be near, and I shoo her off with the excuse that I'm busy and there is work to be done. And then I feel a check in my spirit. No amount of work can be more important than filling up the [love] tank of my needy child. Her needs go far beyond the physical. She needs me to be present. All my children do.
If you notice why I do not write on this blog everyday, [even though there are days I want to], this is why. My children need me and they get precedence over my blog. It is often a challenge to put up a quality post. Most of the time? I write a post a paragraph at a time, rather than sitting down and producing the whole thing at once.
I share things like this with you to give you a glimpse into my not-so-perfect life. :) My heart desires many things, but I am in a battle for all of it. Sometimes blogging serves more as a distraction than a ministry, so I must be very careful. I cannot have a ministry without first having my home (God, husband, children, homeschooling, and cleaning) in order.
No, I am not quitting blogging. I am merely giving you a peek inside my heart, at some of my struggles and real life experiences. Everyday I wake up and everyday I battle to do what's right; what's lasting. Mothering and homemaking do not come without a battle.
The question is, are we fighting for it?