Determination is Not Enough

cup of grace by marsha, on Pix-O-SphereMany mornings I wake up, determined that today will be the day.

The day I will follow our schedule.

The day I make devotions & Bible reading a priority.

The day I will hold my temper.

The day I will speak with a kind tone.

The day I set aside time to play with my children.

The day I set myself & my desires aside.

The day I will walk out my plan.

I am determined.

But, I fail at following my schedule (even starting it). Which causes great irritation of myself and causes frustrations which reveal themselves in anger rather than love. My fuse runs short. The day moves on and I haven't done devotions or Bible reading - though I mentioned it a couple of times to the children and it was met with groanings. I'm now discouraged.

My plan has failed. Determination was not enough.

Each thing I do everyday is a choice I make. Each choice I make is tagged with a consequence - good or bad. I reap what I sow.

I don't wish to sow perfection, rather I want to sow rhythm, regularity, routine. Peace. Joy. Grace. But, I've chosen instead to remain defeated. To not fight for grace when I make a mistake so that it will not dovetail into frustrations and anger on my children. I have not fought for my children by choosing to do devotions & Bible reading despite the grumblings that follow the  announcement.

Today, I choose grace.

Because grace covers and offers a fresh beginning. Grace frees. Grace offers joy. Grace is a gift that follows a choice. I must choose grace so I can begin again. and again. and again.

Today, I choose grace.

Every today, I will choose grace.

In choosing grace, I can offer grace.

Joy follows.   Joyful. Mothering.