How To Train Children to Overlook Small Offenses

A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. ~Proverbs 19:11

Sibling rivalry seems like an inevitable part of parenting. It's natural that siblings are going to fight and squabble, and while that may be true, to what degree does it become too much? 

christinslade.com_how to train children to overlook small offenses

This is beautiful training ground for teaching our children how to deal with conflict-resolution. Did you know many adults have not even had training in such a necessary skill? They struggle at work because they do not know how to deal with conflict. It's important for our children to enter into the world knowing how handle an offense.

What constitutes as a small offense?

Here are some examples from my own children:

  • tone of voice

  • brushing against someone as they pass

  • accidentally kicking a toy when someone walks by

  • receiving someone else’s clean laundry

  • sitting in someone else’s seat

  • someone taking 10 minutes on the swing

Of course, the child causing said “small offenses” should also be made aware of them and taught to use their manners when they make a mistake, “Excuse me, I’m sorry, let me help you”, etc.

Overlooking small offenses does not give our children the right to purposely create them, of course.

Why teach our children to overlook an offense?

A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. ~Proverbs 12:16

  1. It teaches them how to handle conflict on their own. After several sessions of teaching your child to simply let go of a sibling taunting or nagging them, they will be able to handle these conflicts independently. Disclaimer: there may be instances when a parent needs to step in.

  2. It will result in less conflict as the issue won't be taken to the next level. It will simply be ended. Typically, when a provoking sibling does not get the desired response of annoyance and frustration, they will stop doing said behavior.

  3. It teaches our children humility. This is an excellent opportunity to put into action what it means for our children to bring themselves to a lower level of priority. This is not to say they are not important people. Of course they are! But the price to pay for attacking back is far too high.

  4. It teaches our children forgiveness. Each time they overlook an offense, they are forgiving that person of the offense. They are letting it go, and not holding it against them. This is an excellent way to teach our children forgiveness in a most tangible way.

How can we teach our children to overlook an offense? Plus a few more examples:

  • By teaching them to not respond to trite misdeeds. An example would be rude facial expressions, such as sticking out ones tongue. Or displeasing noises only meant to annoy. The key here is not to respond at all.

  • Teach them to quietly and respectfully walk away. If the child is struggling to concentrate because of said behavior, teach them to quietly and without eye contact or word, just move locations.

Several of my children are still learning what it means to overlook an offense. It’s difficult and I get it. It requires the crucifying of the flesh in order to accomplish this. But what a beautiful way to teach them how to live out the Word of God in such a practical way.

Keep in mind, this does take some discernment on the parents part. Praise your children when they put this into action because it is not always easy to do! Also consider the offender's behavior and whether discipline is in order. This type of resolution is not meant to be taken advantage of by the offender.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ~Colossians 3:13

What is one way you have taught your children to handle conflict?

For His Glory,

Christin Slade

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Sibling rivalry seems like an inevitable part of parenting. It's natural that siblings are going to fight and squabble, and while that may be true, to what degree does it become too much? 

 

How I Homeschool, Work From Home and Still Stay Fit

How can a very busy mom find time to stay fit and healthy? Learn how a homeschool, work at home mom fits it all in. Well, sort of.

Homeschooling and working from home each by themselves are enormous tasks. How about adding in staying fit?

They require a lot of time and mental capacity from me. It requires that I am organized and manage my time {somewhat} well. (Let’s face it, no one is perfect!)

So how do I squeeze in working out 5-6 days per week on top of homeschooling and working from home without neglecting something?

It’s not easy but it’s not impossible.

The Struggle is Real

I love being home. I am a homebody through and through.

And the truth is, I often wrestle with going to the gym. I wrestle with guilt, with duty, with there always being something else to do.

Homeschooling takes a solid 3-4 hours per day, at least. Working from home is another 3-4 hours per day. Already I’m at 6-8 hours required of me. Let’s count that as my “full-time job”. But it doesn’t stop there.

I have weekly staff meetings at my church and a weekly homeschool co-op. That’s about 7 hours per week.

There is cooking. There is cleaning. There is laundry. There is parenting in between it all. There is shuttling children to different activities. The minutes and hours add up so quickly. And all of it is important. All of it is priority.

And despite what my mind wants to convince me of — the gym is a priority as well. Without my time in the gym, the other priorities don’t go quite as smoothly. Not to mention my attitude can go downhill without the “happy drug” {endorphins}.

When All of Life Feels Urgent

I struggle with taking time to go to the gym sometimes because I often believe there are more urgent things I need to be doing. And there are only so many hours in the day!

  • My office is a wreck.

  • My laundry remains sitting unfolded in a basket since yesterday.

  • I need to focus on a work-related project

  • My children are fighting too much today

  • I spent an additional 3 hours helping certain children with math

And yes, these things need to happen. But neglecting my health shouldn’t be the way to make it happen. In addition, the more days I miss going to the gym, the harder it is to get back there. I will just continue to justify why I can’t go.

The struggle is real.

Staying Aware of My Self-Talk

My self-talk is a large key to what I can accomplish. If I tell myself I can do something, I’m more likely to believe myself and take the steps to make it happen. But if I continuously tell myself “I can’t…”, then I won’t. I’ll somehow convince myself I can’t accomplish something.

Our thoughts have a powerful influence over us. This is why it’s so crucial to speak life! It’s not necessarily about “positive thinking” your way into something. Instead, it’s telling yourself the truth.

I also like the idea of aiming high. I like to aim for 5-6 days a week, because even when I can’t get to the gym that many days, I’m at least attempting to. This will at least put me in the gym 3-4 days on those weeks I’m super busy, which to me is still acceptable.

Make It Work For You

Busy mamas, I get it. I really, really do. It is a constant battle back and forth with choosing the best things. Taking care of our health should be on the list of “best things”. It will help us live a high quality and energetic life . Which to me beats getting through the days grudgingly, with little to no energy, and feeling yuck most days. Not to mention all the health issues I’ll be fighting off by staying fit and eating {mostly} well.

christin slade weightlifting

You don’t need to leave the house to workout. Do something you love so you don’t dread it. Personally, I love weightlifting and don’t love cardio. So, I head to the gym to pound some weights. I come home and my children can see the difference in my mood and energy levels. The comparison to the days I don’t go to the gym are night and day.

You don’t need to workout 6 days a week. Start with 1 or 2 and work your way up to a number that works for you.

It’s Not Perfect

The way I fit it in is I tell myself all the reasons I need to go. I remind myself why I go and how I feel when I don’t. Sometimes that means the laundry waits or someone else does it. My family is 100% supportive of my health & fitness goals so they help me reach them when I need it—often offering to do what I have to let go of.

It’s not a 100% perfect by any means. Like today, getting through math with 3 of my children alone has taken over 3 hours. It’s 3:24 PM and I have not gotten to the gym. {I was supposed to be up at 4:45 AM to go, but I didn’t sleep well last night, so I snoozed my alarm}. This is just reality. So I’m still figuring out if there is a way to make it to the gym some time before today is over.

Some days the laundry and emotional needs of my kids take priority and other days the mental health of their mother takes priority.

That’s just the way it goes. But I don’t give up. If I don’t make it, I try again the next day.

Never quit trying.

For His Glory,

Christin