Because My Best Just Isn't Good Enough

Today's guest post is by Desiré of  When You Rise.

Photo courtesy of photobucket.com

I lost it.  Again.

It's ugly.

I yell... they cry.

They fight over a Lightning McQueen car.  We have 5, but only the one with the "eyes that move" will do.  Seriously?

One whines that he's hungry only to refuse to eat everything on the plate in front of him.

Each argument between them makes my shoulders tense up.  The whining is like nails on a chalkboard.  I find myself looking for an escape.  Check Facebook.  Empty the dishwasher.  Check Facebook again.

Tension mounts because I'm ignoring them now and they just want me to play with them.  But I'm frazzled and feel the restlessness inside that Facebook and cleaning aren't fixing.  So I chalk this up to a "bad day" and "survive" the rest of the morning in a funk.

Tears stream down my face as I type these words.

I've failed them.  I don't mean that in a you-should-feel-sorry-for-me-and-tell-me-I'm-a-good-mom kind of way.  I mean, I seriously failed them in this situation.  I didn't discipline lovingly.  I wasn't attentive.  And instead of turning to my Father, I tried to escape the less than pleasant circumstances before me.  I sinned.  Blatantly.  No excuses.

Some days my failures are more magnified than others, but the truth is, I fail my boys on a DAILY basis.  I don't like talking about failure.  It's not very positive and I'm not a big fan of negativity.  I prefer warm fuzzies.  ;)

But you know what is positive?  And does give me warm fuzzies?

Knowing that there is Someone who loves my boys more than I do and will never mess up in front of them.  Will never let them down.  Will be their everything.

My husband recently got the new Shane and Shane album called "The One You Need."  The CD is named after a song on it that is written to their daughters.  In my opinion, it doesn't matter if you're a father or mother with a daughter or son... this is one of the most humbling, and at the same time, stress-relieving songs I've ever heard as a parent.

The chorus goes like this:

I wish that I could be your everything. To be the one to give you all the things you'll need. Sometimes I'm gonna let you down. But there's the One and if you'll just believe. He'll be your Hero like He's always been for me. Darling, Jesus in the One you need.

(Here's a link to their music video, if you're interested.  I think the video actually kind of distracts from the incredible message of the song and would recommend just listening while it plays instead of watching.)

Sometimes I feel bad because I'm such a hypocrite.  I'll punish my boys for a bad attitude or an unkind word and then turn around and act the EXACT SAME way 2 seconds later.  But, thank goodness, the standard isn't me.  I should strive to live the standard, but I'm a sinner, just like them.  And it's not a matter of if, but when I will fail them next.

My heart resonates with the song as I sing "I wish that I could be your everything."  Because I really wish that I could.

But I can't.

Instead, I should point them to the one who will never be hypocritical.  The one that will never disappoint.  The one who actually can provide for EVERY need that they have.  That's the best gift I could possibly give them and myself.  Remembering the gospel daily both strengthens my soul and shows my children the depths of grace (and that no one is exempt from needing it!).

And so, my precious boys, I'll point you to Jesus. When I fail, look at Jesus and see how he forgives your mama's ugliness.  When you mess up, look to Jesus and how he does the same for you.  

Lord, grant me the grace to point them to You.

 

 

Desiré blogs about parenting, and fun, practical ways to teach kids the Bible at When You Rise.