Be His Wife {Chapter 4}

Welcome to week 4 of our Pursuit of Proverbs 31 study. In an attempt to rally some of you back in to the study, we're going to be offering a giveaway at the bottom of this post, so stay tuned! I know sometimes when we get behind on a study we can feel like we've failed and just give up attempting to get back on board. Don't do this! It's better to jump in where we are at then to just give up the whole study altogether. You can always go back to those chapters, and visit the series here to watch the videos at any time. Let's just keep moving forward and not worry about what we left behind. Nothing's perfect, right? Let's make the most of it!

Today we're touching on being a wife and help meet to our husbands. Amy makes some excellent points in this section, so if you don't own a copy, get it here!

Here are some of my thoughts and experience.

Your relationship with your husband should be first priority under your relationship with God.

Having a good foundation in your marriage sets a good foundation for your children. Having a good foundation with God sets a good foundation for your marriage {which perhaps I could have mentioned first}.

Children need to see their mama respect, support, and love their daddy unconditionally. Not only when you think he deserves it or only after you get your needs met, but simply because you want to show love to him. Which I know can be so hard when it's not a lifestyle you grew into in the beginning of your marriage. But nothing is hopeless and I have heard of countless marriages transformed just by having transformed thinking.

We must remember the design for marriage God has given us -- He's given it to us for our good.

Here are some key elements that I have found imperative for the health of my marriage:

Communication & Prayer

When my husband and I don't communicate well, it can lead to major frustrations and a sense of insignificance. However, getting to know my husband has helped me understand how he works, and as a result of this, I know he doesn't do things to intentionally make me angry.

For example, when he's running late (really late) from work and doesn't call to let me know, and I try calling him and get no answer. I used to get so irritated at this because I would worry! Often, he doesn't even realize the time because he is so deep in his work, trying to get it finished so he can come home. Since I have come to understand this, it's easier to set my mind at ease. That doesn't mean we'll always understand everything our husband does, but we can still show understanding and grace.

I also pray for my husband, in general and specifically. Two weeks ago he hurt his back at work and was on work restrictions because he couldn't lift or bend much. I specifically prayed and I asked my Good Morning Girls group to pray as well. He is almost 100% better now, doing his full work load again. Our husbands need our prayers! But please, mind your prayers. Certainly it's important that our husband's grow in the Lord, but don't allow your prayer life to become a list of complaints against all the things your husband isn't doing right. And certainly don't ask your girlfriends to pray for all his "wrongs". That would shame your husband. Yea, don't do that.

Love & Respect

These are probably the two most important factors in marriage. Husbands are to love their wives, and wives are to respect their husbands. Obviously, we also should love our husbands and they should respect us. But isn't it powerful how God knew what a man and a woman would need? Women need to feel loved and men need to know they are respected--especially by their wife.

I never had an all out desire to purposefully disrespect or dishonor my husband. Rather, there are little things that I had to learn that were disrespectful to him--and I'm still learning. For example, a big pet peeve of his is when I correct his disciplinary action of the children, in front of the children.

It used to be a really bad habit that was hard to break. Sometimes I just  felt the need to come to their defense if he didn't know the whole story or if I thought the discipline didn't fit the "crime". However, that doesn't justify my disrespectful behavior in front of the children. This is where communication is SO vital. My husband was wise in telling me this bothered him, rather then letting it stew and me never knowing about it.

Forgiveness & Unity

These are also very important elements in our marriage. When my husband and I get into a nasty fight, which are really rare, but they do happen. It hurts. I have a mix of anger and pain. Because although I might be angry with him, I am also hurting from being in disunity from him. We are a team. So when there is a disconnect, I feel that divide. These are the times when I really pray. I pray for God to work in both our hearts.

Regardless of who's right or wrong, I apologize. Because if my husband is angry or hurt or upset, it means that my actions have caused those feelings. I'm not the one feeling them, so I cannot say what he should or shouldn't feel based on my actions. The simple fact is, my actions wronged him in some way. So I apologize. Unity with my husband is much more important than who was right or who was wrong.

Ladies, we want to challenge you this week. What can you do to make your husband feel respected by you? Is there a specific area you fall short in? Do you struggle overall? Choose one thing, pray for God's direction, and work toward it this week.


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