An Open Letter to My Readers

An Open Letter to My Readers

Life is a lot different now than when I first started blogging.

My purpose in starting this blog, was in hopes of really helping myself by thinking I could help others. But these days, I'm feeling more desperate than ever for help. As a result, I have no help to offer. Because of this, my blog is running dry of value. Sure, I have some awesome products to recommend, but that's not all I want my blog to be.

Do you ever feel exhausted from failure? That's where I'm at.  I have no words of wisdom to offer and nothing magical to share about what I'm doing as a mom. And I have no real excuse. I'm not pregnant. I'm not waking up with a baby in the middle of the night. I'm just lost. And maybe part of this drain is the long journey of uncertainty and waiting on our adoption. Our hearts have been knit to two girls across the ocean for more than 16 months, and the ache of them missing from our family has really begun to be felt. It gets stronger with every passing day. {Update: our daughters came home in July 2014!!}

I know no one expects me to have it all together. But these days I feel like I have nothing together. I feel like I don't know the path God has for me regarding my children. Yes, raise them in the Lord, but what does that look like? Is it having all my children arranged at the kitchen table doing devotions every morning? Does it look like going to church every week? Or is it crying out to God everyday that I need Him desperately? What does it look like? Because some things seem so artificial while others are very real.

I desire to be a better mom. But right now I’m struggling to even know what that looks like.

And I’ve been making the mistake of not meeting with God regularly, you know, in prayer and in His Word, thinking that somehow I can do this thing on my own. Perhaps that is my problem right there. I lack strength and wisdom in motherhood because I have failed to seek Him purposely for that. Not fleetingly, but purposely.

I do not feel like a qualified leader for mothers. At all. You know, if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into a ditch? And sometimes leaders are made, whether they want to be or not. Apparently that is what I have become and it scares me to death. And I admit, I have been more focused on matters of the heart than practical motherhood. Everything sounds good in theory, but the real work is living it out. I want to do more living out than running my mouth.

So, what does this mean for this space?

Simply this. I am inviting moms to join me on a journey to make God’s Word and prayer a real priority in my life. Not just a theory.  Not something I talk about or wish I could do. But something I am doing and will be sharing in this space for anyone else who may need it, and also to keep me accountable.

In addition, I am going to be breaking some of the blogging rules on a more regular basis, because I feel like they are suffocating what God wants to do in me and in this space. I cannot continue to put God in a box and expect to be changed or write well. I think writing should be freeing, not confined. And living for Christ, that’s a choice I’ve made, not because it’s easy, but because He has freed me, I am free to live for Him.

Finally, I want you to know, this isn’t just a blogging gig for me. Making money is a perk and it helps pay for my hosting and adoption expenses. So when the time came that I needed more income to help with moving, rather than compromise my content, I opened my virtual assistant services up again.

You all are my community. And I have been so frustrated with Facebook because there, I try connecting with you throughout the day, and hardly any of you see it anymore. Facebook continues to change and I can’t do a thing about it. I want to share little tidbits with you throughout my days - a quote, a verse, a picture of Legos all over the floor so you can see just how real this mothering thing is for me. I don’t have it all together - and I never will.

But I am not happy to stay where I’m at either. I am called, as every Christian is, to practice righteousness and love more deeply than is humanly possible (why we need Him daily!). This is where it begins, though. I must understand how much I need Him every day of my life, and live accordingly. That means meeting with Him every day to be filled by His Spirit. I can’t speak for how you might be filled, but for me, once my day begins, I am too distracted to spend real, focused time with God. But I’ve allowed myself excuse after excuse and it’s cost me. I can’t afford to live without Him. And it’s not that I ignore Him or forget that I am His, but I do forget how much I need Him daily. Ann Voskamp once wrote that, how we live our days is how we live our lives. How true that is! Motherhood has been the biggest challenge of my life. I don't want to waste it.

I really want to connect with you throughout the days, so I invite you to follow me in other places you may be: InstagramTwitterPinterest, or Google+. I am still on Facebook, but you have to go to my page, "Like" if you haven't yet, then hover over the “Like” button and either add my page to an interest list or click “Get Notifications” in order to see my stuff. I do not post every couple of hours, but 3-4 times a day, maybe.

Will you continue this new chapter of motherhood with me?